So, here it goes…
Whatever you want to call it – but basically, I am in my thirties and still don’t know what I want to do with my life. And it’s scary. Sometimes I think I know and then I become increasingly passionate about whatever it is, learning as much as I can, and then – boom – not so interested anymore. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened. It’s also frustrating.
I admire those individuals who know what they want to do and are excelling at it. People who have known since they were teens that they wanted to be doctors, lawyers, marketers, etc. and are rocking their careers right now – yep, I’m envious. Why, you ask? Because I would say that a Scanner’s brain is always going. Not that the others aren’t always thinking, innovating, etc., but that their minds are focused on their passion and mine is focused on SO MANY “passions”. My mind runs over and over so many possibilities that it becomes exhausting and I just want it to focus on one, heck even two, so that I could start to figure out a plan.
I’m not sure if it’s age or the new year, but I’m really feeling the pressure lately to figure it out. To focus on a career path and start going for it. But, the real truth of the matter is that deep down I don’t really want to. I actually want to do and learn so many things – I want experience in everything! Ok, not everything, but you get the idea. I’d like to teach yoga, write, take photographs, coach, talk about nutrition, inspire people, manage social media, travel, help people, etc. — actually, even as I write this I am noticing that my full issue isn’t knowing what I want to do, it’s finding a way to work and sustain myself while doing these other things I love. I don’t think there’s a set career out there for me, but there has to be a place where I can work and be inspired by great people while I pursue my hobbies and maybe someday turn them into a business. 😉
Wondering what I am talking about? Here’s just a taste of some of the jobs I have held since I was a teen:
– Tim Horton’s server, retail store cashier and salesperson, pizza shop server
– Curling rink assistant, Starbucks server, line cook, Ebay store assistant manager*, yoga teacher and studio assistant
– Non-profit coordinator, wellness clinic receptionist, community manager, communications coordinator
Seriously, this list could go on. These jobs are all over the place, no clear path here. Some of these roles were during high school or university, but the others were more about what I was passionate about at the time. Well, I am always passionate about some things – non-profits, entrepreneurship, yoga, community engagement – they just don’t show up all together at the same time.
Wondering what I wanted to do as a child? I wanted to be a teacher or a singer. As a teen? A marine biologist. I’m not kidding, I couldn’t even narrow it down in my youth. I guess the important part now as an adult is to try and find the similarities between these “dreams” and build from there. I also need to come to a place of accepting that sometimes work is doing what we can handle, so that we have more time and finances for doing the hobbies and things we love. I definitely need to put more time back into my hobbies, that in itself will be more fulfilling.
Feeling like I am part of something bigger and contributing back to the world is very important to me, and I can’t give that up because I am unable to find the perfect job right now. I have to keep the fight going and hope that I’ll eventually figure it out, or at least find the balance.
That careerfession felt good! Are you a “Scanner”? How have you managed doing what you love versus work? Found the perfect balance?
(* Think of the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin. Yes, I actually worked in a store like that, can you believe it?!)