Stop playing the blame game…

In this time of transition from moving to a new city and searching for employment, I have a lot of extra time on my hands.  Of course, I use a lot of it to job search, but also time gets “wasted” thinking.  Lots and lots of thinking.  Positive thinking?  Not always.  Not as much as I would like recently.

The trouble with this free time while searching for work, is that if I don’t get any calls for a day or 2, the thoughts start to go to the darker side.  Why does this happen?  Is it just natural or am I prone to pessimism?  It’s partially natural, but it’s also due to the true fact of doubting myself when I shouldn’t.  Self doubt creeps up into my thoughts without me even realizing it until I’m ready to throw the phone away or go for a nap to quiet my mind.

In general, I think I’m a pretty awesome person. No, I’m not being conceited, I’m saying that I have confidence and believe in myself 90% of the time.  Why not 100%?  I’m not sure.  I can’t explain it, but I know I’d like to close that gap sooner than later.  Will I ever be able to squash those negative thoughts?  Probably not completely, because even in the toughest of times sometimes we just can’t help it.  We look at ourselves as the problem because we need something/someone to blame for adversity or misfortune.  But, we shouldn’t be blaming… we should be learning.  Seeing the learning opportunities in life’s events helps us to keep that little bit of positivity in us and move forward.  If it is something you did, forgive yourself and move on.  If it was someone else, forgive them (or forget them) and move on.  Let it go.  That’s the only way to truly progress and stop beating on yourself for whatever happened.

So, that’s what I’m working on now. Letting go of the situation that got me here.  Letting go of blaming myself because that’s the past and I can’t do anything to change it now.  It is what it is.  This isn’t easy, but I know it has to be done.  I have to move on and regain faith in myself.  Time to stop saying things to myself that I wouldn’t say to others.  I know I’ll feel much better for it!

Are you playing the blame game with yourself?  How do you move on and forgive yourself?


6 thoughts on “Stop playing the blame game…

  1. Such a positive post from an equally positive person! Have you heard of Abundance vs Scarcity mentality? I’ve been reading up on it a lot and the idea has been around for decades. You should check it out, a lot of your ideas reflect on the mentality of abundance.

    All the best Crystal!


  2. you’re a lot like me in your writing — in that we both kind of talk ourselves back to reality through our words. writing is amazing, isn’t it?

    i don’t always feel proud of the things that i do or have done, but at the end of the day i try and gather all the positives about myself together and focus on those. whether or not i am working, whether or not i didn’t beat my running time, whether or not i decided to not make dinner and eat take out, i/you still have to love myself/you.


    • Exactly! It’s great practice to remember those positives in your day, no matter how little they may feel. Writing them down in a gratefulness journal helps too, so you can refer back when having a rough day. I find it helpful!

  3. yes! i totally hear you on this post. i think it’s the balance between learning and thoughtfully absorbing lessons and events from our past while still moving forward that is the most difficult. it just seems easier to get caught up in the negative… perhaps because we are such a blame the person, ‘if you try hard enough you can do anything’ type culture. Our society tells us that everything is possible ‘if you_______’ which implies that if we don’t we are somehow to blame.

    moving beyond that is tricky. fabulous post 🙂 (ps- good luck w the t-dot job searches!!!)

    • Agreed! Sometimes it’s difficult to deal with that, because there are times that no matter how hard you try, you still may not get what you want. I’ve been there, I’ve tried hard and I didn’t get that job, vacation, whatever. But, I can’t sit around blaming myself for it or the misery will be worse. It takes work, but it needs to be done.
      Thank you, it’s definitely not an easy place to job search! But I keep ploughing through it! 🙂

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