Who have I become?
Before moving across the country I used to be this constantly outspoken, outwardly angry, say and do what I want kind of person. This may sound negative, but I miss that person – especially the say/do what I want part of me.
Somewhere along the way, I’ve become an inwardly angry, solemn, say and do what others want kind of gal. And, well, obviously I don’t like this person. I’ve become more reserved and toned down my personality as I’ve had to learn in situations that this may help others to accept me. My anger has not gone away, instead it’s turned inward an you can possibly only imagine how this makes me feel inside.
I haven’t really been able to fully be myself in quite sometime. Yes, there are some individuals out there that actually love the real me… and sometimes I wonder why. But, the question I should be asking myself is why do certain people like the fake me better? And, should I care?
As some of you may know, it’s very hard to live uncomfortably in your own body. It’s difficult to act certain ways just so some people don’t look at you strangely. And, being in environments where you can never truly be yourself is just upsetting.
However, this is the life I live right now. Keeping my crazy, honest, and loud self toned down so as not to offend others… causing offense to myself instead (which is better?).
I am definitely seeking change and as you can probably tell, I need it. I’ve got myself into quite a mess personally and need to find the way out. This journey is long and difficult, please let me have the patience to get through to the other side. (That’s what yoga is for, right? :)) ॐ
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you can’t be your true self? How did that make you feel?